Things Blaze and Nera are NEVER Allowed to do in FMA
by Pipsqueak Alchemist
Summary: Just as the title says. 64 things Blaze of Awesome Glory and Nera Assassina are NEVER allowed to do in the FMA universe. Written for our own amusement.


**I was bored and my archenemy Nera and I had already made a KHR list, so I made this lovely little thing. It has the Blazee amount of rules as episodes in FMA:B. Hopefully it's somewhat amusing. :)**

**Some insinuated Roy/Riza and Ed/Winry if you choose to perceive it as such.**

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**Things Blaze and Nera are NEVER Allowed to do in FMA**

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#1: Blaze will never refer to Ed as short. He is two inches taller than her, and if he's short, that means she's especially short, and she cannot allow that.

#2: Nera is not allowed to call Ed and/or Blaze short. Ed will use alchemy to murder her and Blaze will either help him or let him murder Nera.

#3: Nera will never offer Blaze or Ed milk. Both of them hate it. It's probably why they are so short, anyway.

#4: Blaze is not allowed to use "automail is holding me down" as an excuse for being short.

#5: Nera will never use duct tape to be a temporary mechanic. Bad things happen.

#6: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to throw a wrench at Ed. He may tolerate it from Winry, but he'd seriously injure the two North Americans for even trying.

#7: Blaze and Nera will never challenge Envy to an impressions contest. They would lose every time.

#8: Blaze is not allowed to murder Envy just because he calls her the microscopic pipsqueak.

#9: Nera, however, is, mainly because Blaze is solely her prey, not Envy's.

#10: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to ask Colonel Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist, for tips involving fire safety.

#11: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to steal Alphonse's apron.

#12: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to point stray cats out to Alphonse.

#13: Blaze is not allowed to commandeer cats for Al.

#14: Nera is not allowed to support Ed and cackle in the background as he yells at Blaze and Al about stray cats.

#15: Nera is not allowed to force feed Ed and/or Blaze milk.

#16: Blaze is not allowed to use alchemy.

#17: Especially flame alchemy.

#18: Same goes for Nera.

#19: Nera is not allowed to learn the art of being a ninja from Lan Fan or Fu.

#20: Neither is Blaze.

#21: But especially Nera.

#22: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to babysit Elysia. Well, Blaze is, but not Nera. Or the both of them combined. Hughes learned this the hard way.

#23: Nera is not allowed to sneak candy to Elysia for the sole purpose of getting the kid sugar high.

#24: Blaze is not allowed to introduce any of her friends to the FMA characters. She is especially not allowed to introduce her three very strange guy friends to Ed, because the four of them would no doubt form an evil quartet.

#25: Nera is not allowed to ask Roy to light anything. Ever.

#26: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to tell Gluttony to go on a diet.

#27: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to ask Lust if she had a boob job unless they want to be stabbed.

#26: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to ask Envy to do celebrity impersonations.

#27: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to call Pride short if they value their limbs and their lives.

#28: Blaze is not allowed to call anyone in FMA short because she is still the shortest.

#29: Blaze is not allowed to ask Fuhrer Bradley if he is a pirate.

#30: Nera is not allowed to play Pirates of the Caribbean theme music on her flute or piano for added effect.

#31: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to ask Ed and Al if they have daddy issues.

#32: Or mommy issues, if they wish to live.

#33: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to ask Greed if he has abandonment issues.

#34: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to ask Greed for/about anything.

#35: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to ask Ling if showering or doing anything involving the removal of clothing is awkward because Greed technically lives in his head.

#36: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to call Sloth lazy.

#37: Blaze and Nera are not allowed anywhere near Winry's machines/tools/automail.

#38: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to call Father/Homunculus "Daddy Dearest".

#39: Blaze is not allowed to ask Hawkeye for shooting lessons.

#40: Nera is not allowed to tell them both to go for it just so she can watch Blaze accidentally break/injure something.

#41: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to call Envy Little Green Monster.

#42: Blaze is not allowed to have short rants.

#43: Nera cannot encourage these rants, nor is she allowed to instigate them.

#44: Blaze is not allowed to learn water alchemy just because Mustang called her short . . . again

#45: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to get a dog and ask Hawkeye how to housebreak it.

#46: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to impersonate state alchemists.

#47: Just because Blaze is the only one small enough to fit into Ed's coat, it does not make her a state alchemist.

#48: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to call Roy and Riza the "Daddy and Mommy" of Team Mustang.

#49: Blaze is not allowed to tell Roy and Riza to "get married and have little blond alchemist-sniper babies already goddamn".

#50: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to tell Winry that the wrench is missing.

#51: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to ask Fuhrer Bradley what happened to his eye. They will not like the answer.

#52: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to ask Lust for dating advice.

#53: Or Havoc.

#54: Or Colonel Roy Mustang, for good measure.

#55: Blaze is not allowed to compare Nera to the people of Xing, even though they're all Asian.

#56: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to banish Father/Homunculus to his flask.

#57: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to ally themselves with Father/Homunculus in order to take over the world.

#58: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to use a philosopher's stone for anything.

#59: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to ask Scar if he knows Xanxus from Katekyo Hitman Reborn.

#60: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to ask Edward if he is secretly a sparkly vampire because he has gold eyes and a complicated past/family like Edward Cullen.

#61: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to ask Ed and Al how they feel about having Homunculi as technical relatives.

#62: Blaze and Nera are not allowed to introduce any of the characters to Yaoi Fangirls.

#63: Blaze and Nera are not to disregard the above rules.

#64: . . . They bullshit.

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**Thanks for taking the time to read guys :)**

**~Blaze**


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